Laurie's Fatass Vegan challenge 1: Bodega foods!

It is 3am, and you are drunk. Again. And, despite the fact that there were plenty of places open near your favorite watering hole, you steadfastly refused to buy anything, opting instead to wait until you completed your hour plus MTA Odyssey home. Now you are sloppy drunk, all you want is bread or some bread variation, your feet hurt, and you finally look around and realize that, hey, even in New York, stores close at night!

Welcome to my life.

This is the first of many times I will say this, but I am *awful* at being an adult. I don't live like well adjusted thirtysomethings live...I barely even qualify for dorm life. There is nothing but beer in my fridge 90% of the time, and I have no "cupboards" filled with stuff, either. Once I eat whatever I bought that day, that is it--there is nothing else. I know I would save a ton of money if I bought in bulk, cooked for myself, etc., but on the rare occasions when I do have a burst of motivation and shop big, all I end up doing is eating everything that isn't nailed down until I burn through my stocks. Seriously, I can shop "for the week" according to a standard meal plan and go through it in two nights. I am left 60 bucks poorer , consumed with self hatred, and I am still hungry.

Most nights, this is my main source of calories.

So I buy as I go, and it has led me to some pretty horrible food choices over the years, but it has also made me somewhat of an authority on finding comfort junk food that tastes salty, sweet, or mushy in three ingredients or less. Here is what I buy when the only place open is a bodega with a security window:

1. Grapefruit juice and a toasted bagel with jelly, if the deli is still open. They are not going to have tofu cream cheese, kids. Let me know when some genius angel packages tofu cream cheese in single serve envelopes like they do with peanut butter. I will have a purse full of them. Until then, learning to love grape jelly by itself is a necessary vegan survival skill for us non-cooks.

2. A can of beans!! One condiment I do have on hand, always, is balsamic vinegar. I live for balsamic vinegar. I put balsamic vinegar over a can of rinsed beans and salt that mofo until my ankles swell at least three times a week. If you don't have BV on hand, your local deli may or may not carry it. You can buy soy sauce, mixed seasonings like Tajin, or red pepper flakes for extra flavor as a substitute. Don't forget salt.

3. Tortillas, a banana, and some peanut butter. Fry it and in three minutes you will have hit all the major taste cravings and comfort requirements of an inebriated sack of regret and lost dreams.

4. Dipsy doodles and De La Rosa Mexican Marzipan candies. If you are seriously broke and/or completely unconcerned with your own self preservation. These things are seriously addictive and vegan, but so sweet that you surely need something junky in the other end of the spectrum to even yourself out. This will also tide you over for the final walk home from your subway station while you prepare something better.

5. Oatmeal with goya coconut milk and bananas. Don't replace the water entirely with coconut milk as it will be too sweet, but pour a little in for richness and  extra creaminess. Most bodegas sell apples and bananas at the front.

6. Pasta and salsa. If they have a can of corn, buy that, too. Not really for nutrients (I have my doubts about canned veggies), but to help you avoid using too much pasta.

7.  Chickpeas and guacamole. Mash chickpeas up with some store bought guacamole and add your own seasonings--cilantro, mustard (yes, i eat this), black pepper, or some chili peppers. It doesn't look pretty, but it is yummy!!!

So, there you have it. Nothing you couldn't figure out on your own, but when your blood sugar is low and you are staring down a display of pork rinds and 25 cent linden's chocolate chip cookies, you need all the help you can get.

Happy drinking, lushes!